Still learning….




I am having fun learning to build my own blog page so don’t be surprised when you see it look a little or a lot different each time you visit.

Along with the adventure/challenge of a blog, I’ve been learning things like goals. Talked to a good friend after a walk/run and was glad to know I’m not the only person who didn’t know about goals, or and is learning to set them, too. The other side of that is I’m a pretty happy just to be, so I need less to do to make me happy. I’ve dealt with a lot of fear of failure and being ‘good enough’ that it’s held me frozen, not moving. I’ve come (grown) to a place that I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m taking little steps to change my thoughts and actions. But in the process I don’t want to forget the heart of me. Like today’s run/walk was great. I know there are so many days that I sit in fear of not having enough time, that I don’t do anything active. I’m slowly making new choices to do these things whether I feel them or not. Or even if I’m scared. And reminding myself that I can DO ALL Things through Christ. For some of you, this may be an easy activity/practice and there are other things that scare you or are difficult. I’m finding that often it’s not about the workout but what’s going on mentally/emotionally/spiritually for me. I can easily be extreme and legalistic with myself to get things  done, but I don’t like that lifestyle. I am loving learning to love myself and also do good things for myself. It looks different each day. Today was just plain enjoyable. Getting out of the house much earlier than I ever do, for that matter up at 5am (thanks to the baby), yikes! I’ve heard that you have to run a certain amount before it starts to feel good. I only did slow runs (not jogging…slow running) and then fast walking, but I felt a lot of pure bliss, freedom and happiness in the moments. I don’t know what the next time walking/running will look like, maybe it will be less fun and more effort, but I’ll save that for another day.

Since Sunday naps are happening, I may take the time to do a little something… make up my Christmas to make/buy list for our family.



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The voices in my head


I know we all wrestle with internal voices in our head. Ok, some may not feel comfortable admitting this out loud. I’m not talking about the silliness of talking to ourselves – isn’t it nice to be a parent and find it’s ok to have a two-way conversation with ourselves out loud. There shouldn’t be shame in the truth that we have voices in our heads. I’m going to keep it simple and not delve into this idea too much for now.

I wrestle with my own self. The part of me that isn’t so loving, the part of me that is still a little kid with its own ideas and perceptions. I’m learning to be an adult (and try to stay an adult all day long, I know we all regress to feeling like a little kid in moments through the day, well, at least I do). I’m learning to have compassion for my younger self that doesn’t get it all yet. Learning to love myself as I struggle from things that trigger me to regress and feel helpless or out of control.

To make it more personal, I struggle with being hard on myself. House cleaning and chores make me want to run and hide. I find I’m in the kitchen, on my second cup of tea, looking like I’m present but truthfully scared to know what to do next…..what thing on my to-do today list should I start with, who needs me first, the nagging in my head that I really should start the boys’ school, and then all the other things I think of to add to my to-do list. (I know the truth is it’s easier to just begin, but the irrational fears in my head sometimes are pretty loud).

As I step back, to find the truth, the listen to my internal self, stopping the other voices to find what I am truly needing in the moment. Most of this fades away, mostly as I am present, I find, it all doesn’t really matter. Of course I tend to fights, and cries from my children amongst the every day chores. But as I sit back – within myself and find what is true. I began to absorb God’s love and truth. He tells me what His perspective on all my fears of failure and not being good enough. He begins to reveal the shame that holds me in a memory. As that memory is healed, I am released to be me. Only kind loving voices reside. And His eternal perspective. It’s going to be ok, all this doesn’t really matter, just BE, worshipping and dancing….letting go and just BEING.

Yes, I step back into some of my old memories/triggers, but often these are layers. Each layer closer to living more freely and lovingly.  But now they aren’t so hard or scary. I can move more freely and move out of them easily to be the adult within my spirit that I need to be, while caring for my younger self, that’s still learning and needs to be loved unconditionally.

So, as you can, step away to a quiet place (although this does get easier to practice amongst the busyness of real life and relationships). Find out what you need right now. I talk to myself – yes, you don’t have to be a parent to do this. David in the Psalms did this. He spoke to his soul out loud and told it what was good for it. Kindly ask yourself today, what do you need right now? Do it out loud. Sit and listen. It’s very fun and comforting as you do this (Ok, I was really scared at first but now it’s much more fun). Love yourself, parent yourself out of love. If it’s hard to do alone or you’re not sure what a healthy parent would say/do, ask a trustworthy person in your life, to do this with you.

It’s a healing process, but most importantly the resting in the Father’s love for me has been what carries me each day. The love and acceptance that I wouldn’t give myself, is given freely. And as more and more of myself, receives it, the days are lighter and my perspective much more different. The same situation that would frightened or overwhelmed me, is instead enjoyed or at least handled  as a strong and loved/loving adult.

I hope today, you find time for yourself. Find time to know who has created you. (Locking yourself in the closet for 5 mins works). His intentions for You are good, to love you, every single day, all the time. (even when we don’t feel it, don’t feel worthy, He loves us! ) I’m resting in this truth today (and learning the dance of cleaning my living room so I can walk in it again….but that the real importance is me, and just being me as I do the things that must be done).

Thank you for letting me share and I hope you take a step in this journey of life here on earth, to love and know yourself and your Maker.


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Go on over…


I am having fun over at my new blog:
I am learning how to build a blog and have some creative fun.
Let me know what you think….It’s still in the works….

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Posting from my new blog


Started a new blog so I can have a creative outlet and also journal about my life.

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Why I started this blog


This blog was my friend, my journal, my dear diary for a long time. It encouraged me in the things I was (am) passionate about. I felt it was a way to document my life, my kids lives, and hopefully have somewhere to come back to, later to refelect on memories. When I realized that a whole year had passed after I’d had my twins, and I could barely remember any of it. That was the day I decided to document it. It’s been a long time since I’ve written, though I enjoy it, I had to put it on hold to live life.
My twins just had their 6th birthday! We’ve come so far…..though I still have moments (many of them) of forgetting things, events, names, etc…..especially who’s who with my children (namely my twins, they are identical!).
A month ago we celebrated my youngest son’s birthday of the big 1! I still am so happy I had a 4th baby! Life is adventourus, but never will it be as crazy as it was when my 3 babies were all babies! Now I just have one baby and three big(er) boys. Sadly saying 4 boys, ages 7 and under isn’t as cool as when I could say 3 kids 1 and under. or 3 kids 2 and under……it would help me feel that yes, this is hard, but good, it sounds hard, too….ha, ha. Now I can look back with compassion on myself and see that yes, it was hard. So grateful for those times. Still trying to enjoy these times, daily as they pass so quickly. So here’s to trying to write more again….and document my kids’ lives and maybe get to share from my heart a little more, too. I’m not just into or about gluten free eating, cute kids, and what I’m making/baking.
And now off to never never land…….and some much needed sleep.

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For Science check out this Cool interactive solar sysytem we are studying
I found this fun online solar display. We were going to make one, but the white styrofoam balls cost 2-3 each and I needed at least 9 of them….so we are going to paint them on a large piece of paper, and enjoy our glow in the dark solar system for $4.99. Maybe when my youngins are older….and can retain more (and I don’t have to do most of the crafty work) we’ll make a hands-on one. Or I’ll check with Adam’s crafty Aunts who always have these sort of things in their attics:)

Deep in thought

We are also going to begin the Five Senses. After a bit of research, I decided on the library for resources and some hands on fun. I’m also going to copy my Mom’s fun activity of putting different foods in a bag, tasting and identifying them. And we (I) will look for opportunities throughout our day to apply the Five Senses. We will probably draw some of what we do, too.
For ideas, I always try, Google, Pintrest, and the library, (oh and my Mom, a homeschool educator for over 36+ years)
Another thing I love about this year, besides the fact that I get to spend each and every day with my kids, is that we get to have so much fun learning together.
I was really surprised at the boys retaining Bible verses…(which of course we really just started being consistent at). I chose Psalm 29, since I memorized this in First Grade. I’m focusing on verse by verse each week and also discussing it at my kids level.
And the LIBRARY……we go almost every week. Another fun memory from my own childhood, coming home with brown sacks full of books that I would devour until the following week. I also, remember being very car sick becuase I couldn’t wait to get home from the library on our 20 min. windy, curvy country road. And yes, I’d have to lay there (Or power through helping the family) while I recovered from my car reading sickness. It’s so fun to make the outing. I do have to say I get overwhelmed at carrying a large sack of bags and holding all my boys hands on the treck back the car.  But the joy when we get home…..3 little men on the couch, quietly ‘reading’ while I make lunch. Peace and Quiet and lots of fun times together cuddling and reading for the week ahead.
Well, I must start our carnitas for this yummy Sunday evening…..

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I have connection……


After a long period of little internet, to my phone being my internet….to wifi and a computer! It’s happened.
I now have the (easier) option to post random things to my blog….in hopes to remember some of what I’ve done with myself…and my family.
I think I ended with us getting ready to move…back into our 900+/- sq ft home…..I was very doubtful it would work…..but it has. Of course, we are entering ‘winter’…..and I’ll see how we manage…homeschooling 3 rowdy and happy boys!
I would have to say this move was good for our family, getting rid of a lot of stuff…..and learning that it’s good (pack-rat in recovery). I have to be more organized with my time with the boys, but it’s good for us all (minus the fact that the play set is too wet now to play on and burn off energy).
I think I’m rambling my tired need to go to bed ramble. But really excited to be back on….And writing about life.

Until…..later, chow….addios, asta lavista…..

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Dry erase from a picture frame


This may seem a simple idea, but I found such joy in enjoying my own gift of creativity from God. Sitting in His Presence, being me.
This is the fruit of letting go of being my own worst boss, and listening to what God has to say, letting go of the voices that drive me, not into love, but to be my own dictator to myself. Freedom is accepting God loves me and taking His word as my truth. It’s so much easier to be ME!
I could go into more detail, but would like to do a project before I get the kids up.
To sum it up, enjoying being the true me from knowing His LOVE for me and from it flows creativity that I thought was lost!
Off to have fun,
Hope you’re enjoying you!
Ps will try to post finished background when it drys in my cool frame

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Thankful thoughts


Thankful that my husband didn’t put the kids in jammies, since it was an early out the door morning, and miraculously they were still clean!
Thankful my grandparents watch my three boys, 5 and 4 so I can go to the grocery store alone!
Thankful for my fun bathroom that’s almost done being remodeled by my favorite contractor;)
Enjoying the wonderful color in my bathroom
Thankful for the fun we’ve had so far this summer.

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My 5 year old know more than me…


In case you read my blog and see fun (odd) pictures added…
Recently discovered my oldest had found my blogger app on my phone and edited my posts and added pictures, fun blurry ones of his choice:)
I’ll be glad when he’s older and knows more than me…..

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